Xmas Hols

The time has come. Having worked for American Mom looking after the Brats for a few years now, I am frustrated to find that I have run out of excuses not to join them on holiday at their chalet in Switzerland over Christmas and New Year. I imagine that the...

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Chelsea Nanny – Smoking Bonfires

Chelsea Nanny – Smoking Bonfires

The Small One came home from school today with the extended version of the ‘Remember, remember! The fifth of November’ verse.  I’d never seen or heard anything beyond the first four lines before and it doesn’t make for light reading. One of the Small One’s friends has Catholic parents. The...

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September

September

American Mom arrives back in Chelsea with the Brats two days before the new school term begins. They stayed with friends in Dorset while Notting Hill Carnival was on.  American Mom hates it despite not living in Notting Hill and having never been. She was especially keen to remove the...

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Shakespearean Summer

Shakespearean Summer

In a bid to enrich the Brats’ lives with even more culture, Arabic and flute lessons not being anywhere near sufficient , American Mom has signed them up for Shakespearean Summer Camp.  Her interest in Shakespeare increased dramatically after she saw Benedict Cumberbatch as Hamlet. For four weeks of the...

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Chelsea Nanny: Scheduling

‘I need to see an updated copy of the kids’ term-time weekly timetable. Can you print them off and put them on the wall? Laminated, obviously. Also iCal me all their new appointments,’ says American Mom waving her iPhone as she breezes out of the door. Managing the Brats’ diaries...

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D.I.Y.

‘The loo won’t flush!’ the Small One’s voice comes squeaking down the corridor. I look at American Mom but she doesn’t appear to have heard him. I go to the Small One’s rescue and find that his claim is valid. When I return to the kitchen, a plunger and a...

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Hollywood Holidays

‘Do I have time to watch another movie?’ Asks the Small One for the eighth time since we’ve been on the plane. The flight to LA has been the longest twelve hours of my life. ‘No,’ I say with relief. Luckily I’m telling him the truth. He has watched every...

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Chelsea Nanny: Easter Hols

  American Mom has asked me to babysit tonight so that she can go and watch 50 Shades of Grey with two of the Other Mothers. She has waited this long to go and see it because she was worried about bumping into one of the Brats’ cool, young teachers...

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Chelsea Nanny – Wanderlust

When the Little Darlings emerge from school today, they are all dressed as people from faraway lands. I ask the Eldest if they have been doing model United Nations. He looks at me as if I’ve just loudly asked him in front of his friends to do the Can-Can with...

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Chelsea Nanny: Going Against The Grain

“Lysander was soo naughty today!” announces the Small One at the school gates. Tales of Lysander’s misdemeanours have got me through many dull afternoons in Chelsea so I wait for the Small One to elaborate. “He… he… he…” (the stutter is a good indicator that Lysander’s behaviour has been sufficiently...

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